Gaza, Inc.
"What if Adam Neumann runs the roadshow?"
I’m worried that the resemblance between President Trump’s Gaza plan and mine will contribute to the weird delusion that I am secretly running the world. No, actually, (a) I have not talked to anyone important about Gaza; and (b) the idea is obvious, anyway.
I realize that it seems improbable that we would both have the same crackpot idea. No. It is extremely probable, because the President and I inhabit the same reality. We are both looking up and noticing that the sky is blue. Most people live in crackpot world, where the sky is green and our present Middle East policy is sane. Reality has started to seep into this crackpot world, and the mixture is… remarkable.
The reality of the situation is that (a) Gaza is not presently inhabitable, and (b) Gaza, without its residents (even more important, without their complex maze of Ottoman-era land titles), is worth much more than Gaza with its residents, even to its residents.
This is 140 square miles of Mediterranean real estate, clear of titles, demolished and demined at a cost of perhaps ten billion dollars. This land becomes the first charter city backed by US legitimacy: Gaza, Inc. Stock symbol: GAZA.
The exit strategy of GAZA is to be the first sovereign corporation to join the UN. While there are many trillion-dollar companies, none of them has true sovereignty, much less some of the best land in the world. Is a trillion-dollar IPO a possibility? I think it’s a possibility. What if Adam Neumann runs the roadshow? Why not?
Suddenly, each former Gaza resident has $500,000 in GAZA tokens. Does that come with the right to live in Gaza? No—you don’t get any special treatment in Starbucks stores for being an SBUX holder. Does it come with shareholder voting rights over Gaza, Inc? No, because that would defeat the whole purpose of corporate governance—there would be a conflict of interest between the shareholders and the company.
On the other hand, the Gazans are now a wealthy, cultured, naturally commercial people. It’s not like there isn’t a Palestinian diaspora everywhere in the world. Take over Africa, or something. Also, someone has to live in the new Gaza—there have to be residence requirements, because any country with open admissions will turn into a gigantic global slum. It will probably work like Dubai, but much more Westernized. But with enough GAZA shares… you might be able to afford it.
Of course, it’s not like the Gazans deserve all the equity in Gaza. For one thing, they started a war and lost it. Israel has the right and the power to present a reparations bill. Israel won, so it does not have to pay any reparations. But the Gazans did not completely lose—they have an intact military force, hostages, and substantial public support in both the West and the Arab world. So they can’t get completely boned.
Does this logic seem weird? In crackpot world, yes, it’s weird. It’s super weird. But in the real world, which is seeping back into crackpot world through cracks in the pot, this is how deals get done. Learn to love it.
How do you get the Gazans out of Gaza? Gaza is a besieged city. Cut off supplies and give the people a safe way to leave. Even the fighters—no one can eat bullets. When Hamas marches out, ideally in battle formation and parade drill, give them the full honors of war and an double allocation of GAZA shares. Again, in crackpot world—super weird. In normal human history, which is rapidly reasserting itself—normal.
You think America has a “responsibility to protect”? You think mass migration is bad? Forced deportation, also bad? Have you heard of Artsakh? Didn’t think so.
All real-estate titles have war as a genesis block. War has consequences. At least, in normal world, war has consequences. In the Middle East, we tested the idea that war should have no consequences. The result: 80 years of war, with occasional cease-fires. That’s crackpot world—what my friend Tarik Sadouma calls the “Peace Fetish.” It all belongs in the trashcan with USAID.
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