Uncle Yarv #8: virgin edition

"It's a completely harmless, nonlethal torture."

Siegfried from Khartoum writes:

I am a 25 year old Sudanese “software engineer.” I was extremely socially avoidant from the ages of 16 to 22, while I feel I am somewhat more socially capable now and I have solid friendships with a reasonable number of guys I have known since primary school, there is a glaring issue with my social circle, in that it contains practically no women and there is no reasonable expectation that any are going to suddenly appear.

I have never been in a romantic relationship or even particularly close, the reason for this is no big mystery to me—as I have asked out 1 girl in my life, who turned me down quite graciously. 

It’s okay. I was a virgin not only when I graduated from college but also when I dropped out of grad school. Girls seem to like me now, sometimes. (Fine, girls. You can email me your questions now. Lol as if any actual girls actually read this stupid blog.)

Over the last couple of years I have fixed a number of things with my life: exercise, diet, cultivating other interests than video games, rebuilding older friendships and generally trying new experiences.

Yes!

However, when it comes to attempting to find a girlfriend or failing that a real friend (who happens to be a girl), I am desperately trying to find an alternative to the mind-numbing and horribly depressing task of online dating. While I am not completely opposed to the idea of finding a girl online, it seems to me to be a far more robust idea to meet someone in real life.

As a virgin, you shouldn’t try to use online dating to meet girls. You have to go into online places where girls are, and impress them with your wit and charm. It may be that these e-girls are not actually what you’re looking for—but see below.

My problem in this area is that I have little to no idea of how to go about doing so, as the go-to local option for this is to go “clubbing,” an activity that I would disfavourably compare to being waterboarded and which selects against a large amount of the traits which I find appealing in women.

Two problems here. One: if someone told you that you could get laid, but first you’d have to get waterboarded—right?

Two: the only traits you need to find appealing are the physical ones. You are not looking to transcend the degenerate Western hellculture with this strategy—you are looking to catch up with it. You can transcend it later.

You know who would bang anything that moves? Casanova. And at first you are not really even trying to get laid—just to feel comfortable being and flirting with women, receiving the right signals, sending the right signals…

I have discussed this issue with various friends and the responses have ranged from complete indifference in ever having a relationship, to a dejected camaraderie at our shared predicament, to a slight disbelief that my situation is really as I describe.

My parents, quite hardcore Christians for my area, have started to try to arrange meetings with some of their friends’ similarly socially maladjusted daughters, but while I appreciate their efforts, I am somewhat sceptical of the size of the pool they are attempting to draw from.

My question then, amounts to asking what social activities at least have the potential of bringing me into contact with women of a similar age (or even mothers with daughters around my age)?

Asking older women for referrals is a time-honored strategy that should be respected. They can evaluate you with their brain alone and see that you are worthy, even if the more visceral judgments of their daughters might notice correctable flaws.

Currently my list for this question amounts to: 

Trying local churches (I am an atheist, but enjoy singing and talking to people), but this encounters the problem that there are a vanishingly small number of young people in the congregations in my neck of the woods.

Trying random sporting clubs, which has the issue that most of these are filtered by skill and hence by gender. 

Trying a hobby related club/society (my preference is board games), but these have the issue that they skew quite male and extremely nerdy (not the worst thing in and of itself, but it clusters with a number of things I have been trying to move away from.)

Trying to chat up women in pubs/cafes, which has the issue that the idea of doing this makes me extremely uncomfortable (I am not categorically opposed to doing this, but would like to have at least 1 real female friend before I attempt such a thing).

These are all bad for the reasons you describe. Just go clubbing. Remember, the whole reason we got into waterboarding is that it’s a completely nonlethal, harmless torture.

Moreover, there is a way to hang out with normies—even degenerate normies. Just channel your inner degenerate normie. You have one. The reason you don’t think you have one is that you have defined your identity as a function of being better than one. Fine—you’re better than one—you are obviously not a degenerate normie.

Go clubbing (ideally not by yourself, with friends). One of the nice things about clubbing is that you can drink. The purpose of alcohol is to suppress your cerebral cortex, letting your limbic system think for itself. If you are out in a club and feeling too self-conscious, it’s because you haven’t had enough to drink.

Everyone you meet will be a completely disposable person. So will you. Don’t worry about it—you are not trying to meet the love of your life, just trying to learn the skills you’ll need (unless the church ladies come through) to meet the love of your life.

Also, read standard PUA advice. It can reinforce assholeness in assholes, but you’re not an asshole and it’ll be good for you.