Uncle Yarv #9: girl edition
Marguerite from Port Moresby turns the tables brilliantly:
Hi Curtis. I'm taking your bait. I'm a girl (just finishing adolescence, at 27) who reads your blog. I've been shamelessly enjoying myself for the past week's worth of posts. Earlier this week, I said aloud to my partner, "I hope he spins off into an advice column (my favourite genre of trash)" and you did!! Hooray.
I am not writing to you for advice, but just to make an observation. I'm not sure it will go over well, but here goes:
I think perhaps, you need to be a little more trad and not date for at least a while after your wife's death. I think this primarily for 2 reasons:
1. I don't think the types of women who will date a very recent widower are necessarily going to be women who you respect (it seems like you didn't really respect your ex very much, at least not subconsciously).
2. It's just too soon! Things are trad for a reason. Waiting for a while after your spouse dies to begin another romantic relationship is trad for a reason. I know you're not exactly allergic to white nationalism, but you certainly seem to be allergic to having a straightforward relationship with normies, including their romantic rules.
Given what you've said about your wife and your relationship to her and her death over the last few posts, it seems painfully clear to me (I mean, I'm 27 and foolish enough to write to you like I know anything) that you're not ready to date. For example, you probably shouldn't be going home from a date and reading your dead wife's diaries. So anyways. I hope you give yourself some time. And I apologize if this was the stupidest email you received. But in my defense, I did wait until given the go ahead. And what did you expect, from a girl, anyway?
I have actual questions as well, but don't want to take up more of your time, so I will wait on asking them until/if there is another round of Uncle Yarv.
I wish you well and hope you and your family take good care.
You see why I kept girls out! But no, this is brilliant advice—in retrospect. Totally useless in practice—again very girl-like. My sensors detect a real girl on the Internet!
For the record, I did not like go out on a dating site months after my wife’s death. This lady (for whom I really do have great respect) was a friend of a friend. It just happened. Also, Jen, when she was first diagnosed, gave me explicit instructions to replace her.
Anyway, you really are quite right, though my widower virginity is kind of ruined now, and I obviously regret the whole liaison. Also, I just stumbled on the diaries—they were in a box I had to move to get to the attic to see why the HVAC is booming.
The yellow lights you mention are by no means the only yellow lights I blew through. I have made something of a career of blowing through yellow lights. Maybe I’m too old for it, I don’t know.
Anyway, thanks for the advice—judgment is one more thing that girls are good for. You may ask a question if you like! Girls, boys, men and women are all encouraged. Just respond to this email.
Also, it actually is cool to send advice instead of requesting it. Just be gentle. Think of it as a sort of Substack circling lol.